Where does the constant need to hide our frailties arise from? According to American neuroscientist Evan Gordon, our brain spends much of its time scanning the world for potential dangers. Always, even in the context of our personal relationships. We are therefore unwitting seekers of danger signs that allow us to protect ourselves .. it would therefore be said that our ultimate goal is to feel safe, an attitude linked to our most instinctive part, to the need to protect ourselves in order to survive. HOW ARE WE Yet this attitude presents aspects that are not very functional to the good functioning of a relationship. On the contrary, it often generates important and difficult to solve problems. The constant search for dangers operated by our brain, in fact, could prevent us from feeling safe enough to open ourselves to the partner by exposing our vulnerabilities. As a consequence, insecurity often drives our relationships by generating behaviors and reactions that risk compromising the well-being of the couple. And all this because we don't feel safe enough to express our deepest emotions. We just can't show our most vulnerable side, the one that feels sadness, pain, loneliness, fear of abandonment or rejection, that side of us that is afraid of not deserving anything, of never being up to it .. WHAT THE PARTNER SEE So, while what we really feel is deep insecurity and fear, our partner sees a side of us that manifests anger, jealousy, resentment and frustration. Unable to contact our deepest emotions and above all to share them in a space of trust in the couple, we wear a mask that expresses criticism, resentment, sarcasm sometimes. And the other almost always feels accused of our unhappiness. In short, in an attempt not to show our fragile side in need of deep connection and security, we end up feeding a vicious circle in which problems, rather than being solved by the alliance within the couple, are exacerbated. The consequences are well known. That's why working on communicating our authentic emotions, getting in touch with our needs becomes fundamental for the success of a loving relationship. If we have the ability to listen to ourselves and to welcome what is in this moment, perhaps we can also listen to the other with greater availability to accept his emotions and her needs. By hugging us instead of defending us.
